Soon after the twins first came home, over six months ago, I began having a recurring waking dream. Here is how it unfolds:
It’s dark. I become aware that the babies are in bed with us. We’ve just finished feeding them. I reach toward them, but what I thought was a baby is just a lump in the covers. I can’t find the baby under all the covers. The baby is suffocating. I become increasingly frantic, looking for the baby, who must be somewhere buried, or has just slipped over the edge of the bed, until I finally at some point realize I am having my recurring waking dream. I look in the nursery and find the babies asleep in their cribs, as usual.
This summer, as we somehow muddled through weeks on two or three non-consecutive hours of sleep per night, these waking dreams recurred on a regular basis. Later, when reading about sleep deprivation and hallucination, I attributed them to the lack of sleep. But though our sleep has increased to a respectable seven hours these days, the dreams have not gone away. Last night, I again woke D up, poking and prodding at the covers looking for babies.
Last month, after our marathon Thanksgiving drive, I realized that I have a constant lurking sensation that I’ve forgotten something. Dropped a ball, let something slide I was supposed to do. Maybe that’s what the dream is reflecting, all those balls in the air. Twins. Life.
14 thoughts on “My Recurring Waking Stress Dream, In Which I Can’t Find the Babies”
I have this dream! Usually I’m afraid I rolled over onto my kid when I’m waking up.
Have you ever had the dream where you’re living in your apartment (or another one) and dream you’ve found a door to another unused part of your apartment, maybe doubling the size? I used to have that dream a lot too, and it’s apparently also a dream that other people have.
Ha! That’s funny. That sounds like a New York City apartment dream. I wish there was a door like that!
I have the same thing! I’m constantly waking thinking one of them is/was in my arms and I search just to see they are safe in their beds. It’s scary. My husband was having them too for the two weeks he was home when they were first born.
Wow, I guess we’ve all got babies on the mind even while sleeping. Not the most relaxing way to wake up. Wish my brain could relax a little more at least while sleeping.
Me too. That must be it though-a parental sixth sense. Probably because we are always listening for their cries.
Right. And how can we be listening for cries while asleep, anyway? But that does feel like the case. Maybe we become like the dolphins, only sleeping with half our brains. This has set me on a weird track, maybe it’s the human parent version of this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unihemispheric_slow-wave_sleep
That sounds about right. It mentioned evolving out of this type of sleep if unnecessary. I’m thinking that means it’s possible.
Moms are certainly prone to anxiety dreams, and I remember having a hard time even when wide awake with a neurotic fear that kept recurring. Whenever I would pick up Jenny when she was tiny I would instantly fear bumping her head accidentally against a door frame or other object that could do damage. It never happened but made me very aware when walking with her in my arms. Didn’t occur with my other two girls. Maybe it was a helpful thing, as I was usually doing everything too fast. Haven’t thought of it for years!
I’m sure dreams, even waking ones, serve some function we’re not aware of. Though it does just feel like very un-productive stress and worry 😕
Dreams of a baby can represent one’s spiritual age or the need to express tenderness. To see, hold, give birth, cuddle or hold a baby can represent birth to the higher or spiritual self. In your case where the baby is being suffocated it may mean that you are suffocating this part of yourself.
That could be right. There are definitely parts of myself I feel are getting squeezed… That’s probably where part of the stress comes from (besides the stress of caring for twin babies). Thank you for commenting!
Our dreams are continuations of our daytime consciousness. I have been a prolific dreamer all my life and have put together a website to help other dreamers. If you ever feel the need to get clarity on a dream, please feel free to go to my website http://www.cosmicdreamweaving.com and sign up to view the spiritual dream dictionary. I also have a monthly blog where I give tips on interpreting dreams and provide a variety of “Tools” to help in the process.
I’m glad my post was helpful.
I had these dreams too: http://nomumisanisland.blogspot.co.nz/2011/03/separation-anxiety.html! It’s so comforting that motherhood has so many shared experiences.
It’s funny, since I wrote this blog I’ve discovered this is a very common dream! Thank you Internet for letting us know we’re not alone. I love your account–it’s all pretty funny after the fact!