“It Gets Easier,” a Load of Bunk?

This mantra, heard from parents of older children, from twin parents, this: “It gets easier.” I think I’ve even said it myself to parents with younger babies. What was I talking about? Sure, they’re sleeping better (knock on wood!), but new challenges keep cropping up every day.

Take solid foods. Now there’s more cleaning, more chaos, more sweet potato on my sweater. Today I tried feeding them both sweet potato myself. They were each in a highchair. One started crying. I got confused which spoon was which, there was chaos, gobs of orange, I had to take Mattie out and put her in my lap. I’m not sure how much they actually ate.

I’m starting to wonder if this mantra is like the carrot dangling in front of the donkey. Just keeps him moving forward. But they do keep getting cuter, if that’s even possible. So that’s something.

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8 thoughts on ““It Gets Easier,” a Load of Bunk?

    • That makes sense. I do think it must get easier…eventually. When they leave for college definitely 🙂 But really I think I was just feeling in a bit of a mood yesterday. Big deal more mess. Poor me.

  1. Sheena’s right. I could go on for pages, and won’t, but at the end of the day, in the most basic terms, she’s right. It is always hard, but in a different way. My identical twin girls are now 10.5 and the puberty hormones are starting, and they are trying to navigate the social minefield at school, and it’s really grueling mentally and emotionally. But they can go to the bathroom by themselves in a restaurant, you know? They can feed themselves. I can leave them alone for an hour while I run a couple of errands.

    I think some people are “baby people” and some people are “older kid people.” I thought I was the former, before I had mine. The first year, for me, was like a death march. Hormones all over the place, no sleep, constantly feeling like I was failing and ruining their lives. I never got to enjoy them, never cocooned with them and gazed adoringly into their eyes like moms of singletons got to do. I had a form of PTSD around small infants for years. So while it’s always hard in one way or another, there are some kinds of difficulty that I’m better able to handle. Infancy was not one of them. I enjoy their company more and more as they get older. So, for me, yes, it gets better. Some people love the baby stage and really mourn when it passes; maybe for them, it gets harder.

    I don’t know you, but please be good to yourself. Be forgiving. It was hard for me to realize this at the time, even though people tried to tell me, but if you can ask for help and get some of your own needs met and admit that you can’t do it ALL, ALL THE TIME, you will be a better parent. You know, like the oxygen mask on the plane. You have to put on your own mask before you can help anyone else with theirs.

    • Oh, thank you so much for commenting. Think about me? Ha. It feels so wrong. But I know, I would be a better mother if I felt a bit more…sane. I love them both more than words, but I feel like I never sit down, like I’m constantly turning around doing the next thing. And I would love to just lie with one of them on the bed and watch them and be calm, cuddle like you say. I feel like this time when they’re babies is so precious, and it’s passing with me running around like a chicken with its head cut off. That’s not the way I like to be. Like time is a carpet that’s been pulled out from under me. Hard to get my balance. It’s good to imagine them being 10 years old. But also sad to think how quickly it will come. I just want more time. There aren’t enough hours in the day.

      Right now in particular I am trying to pack for Thanksgiving and a six hour drive. I think I need to breathe. Okay. I just took a deep breath. Thank you!

  2. Lol–I hear you loud and clear! My twin girls are almost two, and while they are finally good sleepers and play somewhat without mama now, they also have tantrums, are incredibly picky about small things and have started fighting. Oh and potty training is its own ball of fun! So I agree–it doesn’t get easier, but it will definitely change constantly and keep you on your toes. :). Maybe I need to watch saying that to new twin moms, too…we all just do our best and try to enjoy the journey as much as possible!
    Melissa

    • Honesty is the best policy. And camaraderie. Keeping you on your toes is right–I guess that’s a good thing. I am trying to enjoy the journey. It sure is fun “meeting” other twin moms on here 🙂 Thanks for commenting!

  3. I was told by a mom with 1 1/2 year old twins that it got easier at nine months. Not for me it didn’t. (You are so right about feeding solids.) A bit more fun, but not easier. The girls have just turned two and — for me — it is now easier, especially within the last month, but no less draining or time- and energy-consuming. HOWEVER, I know for a fact that the reason I find it easier is because a) they are (pretty much) sleeping through the night, b) they are interested in watching and helping me cook food (which means I can use cooking as an activity for them and not a thing I have to rush through while they are napping), and c) they are in nursery three days a week, whereas I work only 2 1/2 days a week. This extra half day for me is…bliss. I don’t get to sit at home eating bonbons, but I do get to run errands that are nigh impossible when towing two toddlers, and I get to do it at my own pace. Mentally, it has made a huge difference and, because I get some space for just me, I enjoy the girls a whole lot more.

    • Yeah, reducing the number of things you have to do when the twins are napping seems to be key. Especially since the napping time just keeps getting less. Getting sleep is huge. I am lucky we are getting at least some of that now. So compared to not sleeping the first few months, pretty much anything would be easier. But not less time-consuming. The eating, especially, seems to be more time consuming, and more clean up. But maybe “easier” isn’t the right way to be thinking about it. Today I’m feeling in a pretty positive mood and it seems like they are just getting to be more fun and engaging all the time, so being demanding is part of that. Good to “meet” you on here and thanks for commenting!

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